15 June 2010

The True Story of American Soccer - Dave Eggers

Dave Eggers is a damn genius. He wrote this piece (an excerpt from The Thinking Man's Guide to the World Cup) about why American soccer is in such a sad state of affairs. It's fantastic. I may have even laughed out loud once or twice while reading it.

Some of the reasons he touches on are anti-Communist sentiment, that Americans are suspicious of any sport we didn't invent, that Americans don't respond well to flopping, and that Sylvester Stallone hasn't attended enough soccer games.

Here's an excerpt, where he talks about why every 5-9 year old plays AYSO, but then 88% of those kids stop playing when they turn 10 -

The abandonment of soccer is attributable, in part, to the fact that people of influence in America long believed that soccer was the chosen sport of Communists. When I was 13—this was 1983, long before glasnost, let alone the fall of the wall—I had a gym teacher, who for now we'll call Moron McCheeby, who made a very compelling link between soccer and the architects of the Iron Curtain. I remember once asking him why there were no days of soccer in his gym units. His face darkened. He took me aside. He explained with quivering, barely mastered rage, that he preferred decent, honest American sports where you used your hands. Sports where one's hands were not used, he said, were commie sports played by Russians, Poles, Germans, and other commies. To use one's hands in sports was American, to use one's feet was the purview of the followers of Marx and Lenin. I believe McCheeby went on to lecture widely on the subject.

Read the rest here.

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